saying goodbye...

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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

- Will Rogers

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Well, my run here at the old farmhouse has come to an end.

I've live here for 13 years, longer than anywhere I've ever lived. Unfortunately I ran into some medical issues last summer, both to me and one of the dogs.

Then my roommate lost her ability to pay her share of rent last fall after she lost her job. She stayed on thru to the spring of this year with her newborn son. Because she had no work I was left with keeping the utilities paid, plus all my other bills (including the medical bills) and I was lucky I was even able to afford food.

As a single dad I raised my 2 kids here. There was no way I was putting a new mom and her newborn baby out on the street. Plus she was a great roommate, a friend and I loved her and her baby like family.

When I was raising my children here my daughter was always on me about getting food stamps. Call me stubborn, call me a masochist, heck! call me a hard-headed Swede. But I was an able bodied male and damned if I was going to let Uncle Sugar get into my life any more than it already was.

So it is that at 67teen I find myself once again with major life decisions to make and new changes - in whatever form they take - to deal with.

If you be of a mind to help I've started a self-fundraiser to help pay off my medical bills and to maybe help my transition into the next phase of my life.

Ideally... I will find someone, an organization or an individual, somewhere, that will find me the perfect fit for their need of a resident caretaker.

It's my perfect job. I do carpentry, plumbing, household electric, painting, gardening and I'm a photographer and writer. I've been a medical amateur professional for 2 decades as an events medicine volunteer. I did wildlife rehab in the early '80s. I am a published writer. I am a  published photographer.

And I love the land.

Living in nature is where I need to be. I've lived off the grid. I love isolation and quiet.

I've spent 60 years being squished and squeezed by the forces of conformance. But I DON'T fit. Sure I've muddled through, going where the universal winds of whim carry me, but "civilization" is all just too much.

I am not a consumer. I am a warrior for my people (friends, family and community) and for the earth's living beings without a voice. I am a teacher, perhaps even a bit of a healer. I am an artist.

I am an elder and there is still strength in my wings. I know I shall fly but where will I land?

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“It’s clearly a crisis of two things: of consciousness and conditioning. We have the technological power, the engineering skills to save our planet, to cure disease, to feed the hungry, to end war; But we lack the intellectual vision, the ability to change our minds. We must decondition ourselves from 10,000 years of bad behavior. And, it’s not easy.”

- Terence McKenna

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Nearing year's end...

“You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it's all right.”

~ Maya Angelou

Ain't that the truth... and in my case... as my body and the environment it is in is always my home, my home has wandered all over the west. My house stretches east to the Rockies and west to the Pacific and a beautiful one it is too.

Sometimes though, I wonder at the capriciousness of my life when I was younger. I suppose that, being pretty much a happy individual, my needs were simple. It has gotten a bit tougher as I've gotten older. I suppose these 2 children I've been raising have something to do with that... but I'm lucky having the two I do. They're good kids, smart and, lucky for them, they've inherited their mom's good looks instead of mine. Of course they do show signs of having inherited my sense of humor... hah! A parent's revenge.

As usual I digress... I was speaking to the caprice (that is so obvious to me now) I exhibited when I was young. I'm not a big fan of regret. Its an exercise in futility. However I do believe in introspection and understanding one's self. But regret can distract from being comfortable with who we are. I mean if you're a wife beater, a thief, a creep... then by all means have a hefty dose of regret and let that weight maybe change you.

But me... I'm a nice guy. I've done some good things in my life, not too many bad ones. When I've struggled I've had friends and family there for support (I mean not like a jock strap kind of support...) and when I've been on the up side of things I've given and shared. Its the way I was raised. Of course there are things that, in retrospect, I wouldn't do now... but we're human and humans make mistakes and man, am I human.

Being human carries more than just a modicum of responsibility. A lot of who I am comes from my family, my parents. A lot of it comes from paying attention to life and whats going on with those around me. My dad always preached learning as much about mistakes as you can from the mistakes other people make. But... being human... we have to make some of our own. There is absolutely no way to avoid it. And there isn't a human out there who is perfect or mistake free. The trick, I think, is to be comfortable in my own skin. To grow in spirit, to accept as much responsibility as I can handle... maybe a tad more, just for the challenge... and to do right by those around me.

So... I'm thankful fo the blessings I've had and I can look back and smile knowing I've done ok, I tried hard and sometimes... I just plain goofed off. And even that goofing off has been beneficial. I know that my eye for these nature pictures I do comes from doing nothing but sitting and looking and seeing the environment I'm in... of understanding light as it shifts and moves throughout a day, across a season and over the year.

I know I'm a far, far better photographer now than when I first thought I was a good photographer. This past year has been a process of shaking off some cobwebs, a process of learning again as I switched from film to digital. The computer in my camera has taken me a year to finally get comfortable with... makes me feel like that old dog...

I'm hoping y'all enjoyed your Thanksgiving (if you're U.S. types... I sure don't expect that other nations sat down with some Indians who saved their butts 300 years ago... I mean I don't know for sure, but I think that makes sense) and that you stay warm and dry through the winter coming...

Here are some pics from the last year, mostly from around here around the farm... but including some of the work from all over. Enjoy! (and remember... your family loves receiving fine photographic art as gifts for Xmas! order now...)

What hath I wrought?

Well... good morning or good day, good eve perhaps, after all, in the cyberwwworld it can be just whatever old time you want it to be. I'm new to this so bear with me while I figure out the mechanics of this blog-o-sphere stuff.

I've needed a place to throw my own rants and a place that I can call home for awhile now and, well, I guess this is it. I'll be adding links to my favorite haunts, discussing news and trying to drum up some new business for my new business.

"What business is that Allan?" you may well ask (and at this point I'm probably talking to myself but part of my insanity is that I don't care!).

Why, thanks for asking! I was just waiting for someone to ask that question!

I'm a photographer, at least I used to be. And I want to make it my vocation again. And that, dear friends is a large part of this donut. Hopefully, it isn't the hole in the donut. So take care, come by whenever, eat the donuts if there are any... and, thanks for stopping by...

Oh... and if you are so moved by the beauty of the images I provide here, they are for sale. Contact me!

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